My J.O.B.
Next to my marriage, there are not many things I can say I've been at for over 5 years of my life since I've turned 18. My job is one of them. I started as a part time worker for 400lb.communications, and later 400lb.communications limited back in December of 2004. I went on a job interview, which was at the guys house to my surprise. I obsessed over the job. I looked at www.400lb.com 5 times a day to try and get a feel of the culture. The work. The history.
I did get the job. And while I feel that I'm better than ever at what I do today, that wasn't always the case. I went though a ton of old e-mails and back & forth from 2005, 2006, 2007. Those were hard times. How can I tell? Well, for starters, I would have not written half of the "jokes" and "just kidding" that I did. I really only came into being a solid asset the past 2 or 3 years. I mastered what I know, and took more and more responsibility for my work. It's like looking at old photos, why the heck was I wearing those clothes?
I have always had a desire to do what I do, and this is what has made my job fun. I like the environment. I've never been great with people, but I feel that I bring a ton of personal value to the team in which I work with right now. If you go to 400lb.com currently, there is a list of people that work there, and I'm there, a little video of me and all. The company promotes me and what I do.
That's going to change.
I'm off to what I consider the big leagues now. I'll join a company that is more than 5 times larger than the one I'm at now. I'll be out skilled I assume by a few people that work there, in my field of work. I'll not longer appear on the website. The company will likely not promote me and my work through their official portal.I can only hope to be an asset to them, providing work in an even faster paced environment. I'm hoping that I can exceed expectations and be known for it. I want to be the best, and I want to work hard at it to get there.
But I'm unsure. That's the worst part. I have no idea what I'm getting into. And that creates stress.
The Bundle of Joy
So take the job situation and combine it with a new situation that in our 7 1/2 years of marriage we have not been in. Behind me as I write this, Rachel is asleep with my daughter in her belly. We always had a "If it happens, cool" sort of attitude these first few years of our life together. Last year we decided that we should try to change that to "lets go for it". So we went for it, and here she comes. Rachel is 32 weeks along in a few hours.
My daughter is on her way out soon. Lets take the job, the stress that is there, and throw the baby into it. Now don't get me wrong, I can't wait for my baby girl. I want to see her more than anything. Raising her will be stressful I'm sure, but stress well worth it. The worry will be there. I want to see her succeed, to be happy. I'll be thinking of her and my wife every day.
That changes my outlook on life and work. I have to work harder. I'll have a family of 3 to provide for. I can't screw around with my plans. I've got to be what everyone wants me to be, and I should do it well.
The birth, the weekly OB appointments, those are all going on in the next 8 weeks. And throw in a career change. Not quite a skill change as an environment change. I hope I can work well after a few sleepless nights with a infant in the bassinet beside me.
Right now I have none of that. I wake up this week, and go to a job that I have been going to for years. There is no child to attend to. I just have to be sure the dogs are fed and let out. They can have the run of the backyard. I can sit here and even write this without having to deal with those things. In a week I could be going somewhere else for the job, and from right this second to 8-10 weeks from now, I'll be caring for my daughter, what I'll consider my most important job ever.
The Rest
Not much else is really bad. I have some lingering money issues, but usually that stuff falls into place for me. Things seem to be magnified lately, and I think all of the above contributes to it. Rachel is in her third trimester, and she's got a laundry list of problems that starts with swollen feet. I don't want to stress her out with all of this, I just want to keep my head on stright, tackle these things, and come out on top.
Can I do it? I think I can. I know I can.